If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
