she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
