Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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