I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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