Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
