so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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