maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
