Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So vagazzling was a success
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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