It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
