How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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