I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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