Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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