New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
