Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
