Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
