this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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