This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
