is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
