i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
