what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
