it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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