lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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