Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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