If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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