could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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