To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
