i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
