I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
