Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
