Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
