It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
