Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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