you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
