So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He kissed a someone with a penis
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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