yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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