So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
