We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
