I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
