so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
