well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
