so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
