508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
