sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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