I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
