I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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