Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
