I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
