Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
