The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
