Heybabeimwearingurpanties
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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