He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
