I cannot find my penis.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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