i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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