yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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