Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
even my farts smell like vagina
worst night to have a conscience
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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